||[Jul. 11th, 2009|01:42 pm]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts
This past week has been disastrous. Im tired of every day being a battle. I want to wake up and not have to fight (this thing, myself, my burning desire).|
This thing that keeps me from everything i love & all the good things i want for myself. Time and time again i let myself think it will be okei "this time" i'll use in moderation. It never happens. It's never once happened that i use in moderation. It never will happen. Because i don't know how to use in moderation. Im not programmed like my friends or other people who can party and go home and forget about it. Once i give in that thing has a hold on me and doesn't let go. So i have to go about today with that in mind. And no matter how much that thing beckons i have to say no. not right now. not today. I get so anxious when i think about never e v e r using again. But when i think about not using today, just today- im okei. I can do today. I can not use today. I can not give in to that thing today. I can be safe today, happy even. If i feel like it i can even let myself think about other things and maybe even start something i've been putting off. Finish reading that book, make that phone call, write that email...whatever.
If anyone feels what i feel and wants to talk over instant messenger on aim my screen name is: MYHEARTSINTHIS don't hesitate to drop me a msg.