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Near NYC? Come to Saturday Night's Sober Themed Queer Memoir! [Jul. 19th, 2010|09:31 am]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts

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Resentments and Politics. [Apr. 2nd, 2010|09:17 am]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]

I am nearly 15 years sober. I got to regular meetings. I sponsor people regularly. I am almost always working with a newcomer. I have two homegroups and hold a chair position for our local intergroup (PI/CPC). I am active in the fellowship, go to outings, have regular contact with AA'rs. I go through the steps regularly...as I work with sponsees, of course... with my sponsor or a group about every year to year and a half.
I haven't posted on LJ in about a year. But........Collapse )
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kryptonite. [Dec. 19th, 2009|03:43 am]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts
in one corner we have extreme boredom & his brother laziness. in the other corner we have the reigning champions action & gratitude. lets get ready to rumble.
no storm lasts forever. even if it lasts a million years. we are everlasting. one day at a time. right now is home. and thats perfect because thats the only place i ever really am. no more running away from home. that dress is too small now. no more re-runs.
three weeks ago Terie came over to work & i found her upstairs drunk. she brought liquor INTO my house. KNOWING im sick too. she didn't care. and for a second or like 3 minutes. i was jealous. i wanted to not care. she had half a bottle left on the floor and after just a quick look i knew exactly how numb i could get off that half a bottle. the smell was everywhere. i wanted to feel what she was feeling. or better put, what she was not feeling. i called for help. Franchesca was over in a flash. she's not sick so it was safe for her to help. she cleaned up. almost immediately i found myself wishing i had hidden the bottle for later instead of calling for help. i'm so affected. three weeks later im still romancing, glamorizing & longing for my kryptonite.
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(no subject) [Oct. 11th, 2009|11:51 pm]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts

[Current Mood |frustratedfrustrated]

Dear step-father,

Please stop messing with my head. My mother, your wife, is NOT an alcoholic because of me. She is not an alcoholic because of my "super gayness" thank you very much. Honestly? My mother became an alcoholic when she started drinking at the age of 15, A LONG TIME BEFORE I WAS BORN, and I'm pretty sure I don't have the ability to travel back in time and inflict my gayness upon her. I'm having enough trouble coping at the moment without you fucking with my head.

No love,

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Happy 13 yrs to me [Jul. 24th, 2009|03:20 pm]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts
[Current Location |pc-wk]
[Current Mood |contentcontent]

Will celebrate tonight all through next wk with my homegrps, my partner, sponsee, grandsponsee.

AA...a bridge back to life.....nah...gave me a an amazing life that I love, cherish and want today.
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an oldie but goodie. [Jul. 23rd, 2009|01:17 am]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts
 To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, 
it means I can't do it for someone else. 
To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow the realization I can't control another. 
To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. 
To "let go" is not to try to change or blame 
another, it is to make the most of myself. 
To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. 
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. 
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. 
To "let go" is not to be in the middle of arranging all the outcomes 
but to allow others to affect their own destinies. 
To "let go" is not to be protective, it is to 
permit another to face reality. 
To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. 
To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead 
to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them. 
To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, 
but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish 
myself in it. 
To "let go" is not to critize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be. 
To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future. 
To "let go" is to fear less and to love more. 
Author Unknown
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(no subject) [Jul. 21st, 2009|02:25 am]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts

okay so i am in NA and i have been clean for like 4 months. i almost had a year but then i relapes and so i had to start all over. anyways everyone said that i need a sponsor and so i go one but she is a very bad sponsor she never helps me with my steps when i call her she never has time to talk always tells me she going to call me back and never dose and when we do talk she acts like i am a kid not an adult. when ever i am in crises she never there and on and on. so i have asked like 4 other people to be my spnsor and they have all truned me down me down for there own reason and thats all good you its kind of embarrassing and frustrating, but the thing i hate the most is that we were at a meeting the other day and my sister sponsor was like all wanting to help her get over her husban drinking and using and it made me very jealous and made me hate NA i really dont want to go back there becasue i have no one i can relate to and evey body there sees me as a kid they dont see me as an adult they all treat me like a kid and its fucked up because i really dont want to go back. then the other day i went to a meeting and i took my girlfriend and they made her leave becasue she was not a NA addict she was an OA addicted and it pissed me off because an addict is an addict and the fucked up part is that the speaker her kids were there and they are not addicts. then like last Sunday i went to our monthly meeting and it was my first time and i was the new GSR and so i am sitting in this meeting and these grown men and women were like ready to start fighting over stuipid shit and i got mad. so these are just a couple of reasons why i never want to go back to NA again. i think i could stay clean even if i didnt go to the meetings because me and my girlfriend have a understanding that there is no using drugs or alcohol. i dont now can someone give me some advice on how to approach this matter in a productive way.
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:) [Jul. 11th, 2009|01:42 pm]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts
This past week has been disastrous. Im tired of every day being a battle. I want to wake up and not have to fight (this thing, myself, my burning desire).
This thing that keeps me from everything i love & all the good things i want for myself. Time and time again i let myself think it will be okei "this time" i'll use in moderation. It never happens. It's never once happened that i use in moderation. It never will happen. Because i don't know how to use in moderation. Im not programmed like my friends or other people who can party and go home and forget about it. Once i give in that thing has a hold on me and doesn't let go. So i have to go about today with that in mind. And no matter how much that thing beckons i have to say no. not right now. not today. I get so anxious when i think about never e v e r using again. But when i think about not using today, just today- im okei. I can do today. I can not use today. I can not give in to that thing today. I can be safe today, happy even. If i feel like it i can even let myself think about other things and maybe even start something i've been putting off. Finish reading that book, make that phone call, write that email...whatever. 
If anyone feels what i feel and wants to talk over instant messenger on aim my screen name is: MYHEARTSINTHIS don't hesitate to drop me a msg.
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(no subject) [Jul. 9th, 2009|09:17 am]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts
I want to die. And the only reason I don't let it happen is cuz of how much pain it will cause the ones I love. Thats pretty fucking sick
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Na Online [Jun. 21st, 2009|08:10 pm]
GLBT Alcoholics/Drug Addicts

Hopefully this is allowed. Some folks, periodically have mentioned online meetings. I set up a room for people to reach out to one another, following the NA steps and traditions (I'm in NA, with almost 18 months clean.)

If people are interested, and don't mind me posting the link, it's locate at Na-recovery.org

It's co-founded with a few other members who have multiple years clean (As usual, I'm the recovery "baby") but we'd love to have some new faces there. For more connection options, click the "help" button. We're based on an IRC network, so there's a lot of ways to connect.

I'd like to start holding meetings there as soon as possible, for whoever is interested in attending an online NA meeting.
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